So, here’s the most annoying thing I’m dealing with; more annoying than panicking faculty or failing ed-tech or frazzled staff. I’ve been on a depressive down-swing for about *pauses to count* Hm, six/seven months or so.

I bet a lot of us have. The moment news came down that there was maybe an end in sight, the moment that people seemed to mostly be into the swing and not having crises every five minutes, that was, of course, the moment that the emergency “keep it together so as not to die” cope ran out.

It’s not unfamiliar. I’ve sure had way worse instances of it. But it’s long, and it’s wearing, and it’s hard to build cope back up when you’re flat out of it and the world isn’t stopping.

And I’ve always found that it helps to know it’s not just me, so: it’s not just you. A lot of people seem to be in this valley right now. And it sucks to only be able to go a little while, hiking back up the side, before you have to sit down and drink and rest; this isn’t a nice place to rest. But you know, there’s a lot of us, and someone will probably always have water, and someone will probably always have a stick that two people can lean on for a while.

So I’m going to say, I’m done with work for the day. I’m going to read something fluffy for an hour, and then go home and make grilled cheese for dinner, and re-watch some comfort episodes. And if some emails don’t get sent until tomorrow, then they don’t. If some posters don’t get made until next week, then they don’t.

It’s raining here, so here’s the scent of wet earth and ozone. Breathe. We’ll get there.

So, a lot of us have probably heard the hoary old myth that one has to suffer to produce art, right?

It's a load of flaming shit. And it's a dangerous load of flaming shit, at that.

You don't have to suffer to produce art. You have to have the capacity to suffer, but actually doing so is in no way requisite.

Thing is, creativity, inspiration if you will, and intense emotion come out of the same brain-place. Psychoactive drugs like anti-depressants put a big, thick quilt over that place. They muffle the up-spikes and down-spikes both, and that includes creativity.

Now, if you're spiking so hard you're about to kill yourself (or do anything similarly extreme, including neglecting yourself), that's what you damn well need. You do what you need.

But the fact remains that muffling creativity is one of the things those drugs do, and if your creativity is one of your coping mechanisms... well, you're probably going to have trouble. Denying that fact won't get us anywhere. It's a hard line to walk, using a muffler long enough to get balance back without losing it completely because your usual balance is gone.

I suspect this is actually the root of the myth, because plenty of us choose to be miserable and in danger rather than give up that one thing we know will make things better in some way.

This post brought to you by reflections on the nature of serotonin supplements as opposed to reuptake inhibitors. I endorse them highly. I have almost as much energy as a normal person this week, and I can still write.