FMA: Circumstances: Sustained

[branchandroot]

Fic post from my archive.

Sustained

When it comes down to action everyone has to find a way to handle the stress. Plot With Porn, I-4.

• Associated fanart: Roy with Violin by Hikariblue

"If you die doing this, the way you think you're going to," Ed growled, lifting Roy's chin until they were eye to eye, "I swear I'll bind your soul to your damn desk, and you'll spend the rest of eternity buried in paperwork."

Comments

[scimitarsmile.livejournal.com]

One typo I can recall - I think there was a second one, but now I can't remember (all the words from today, pounding in my head):

"So that's where these came from," he said softly, brushing his thumb across the calluses on Roy's fingertips. Roy only lifted one shoulder, sketching a shrug.

I get the point of what Roy's doing, but this part, it felt like you started to head in one direction, and then dropped it too quickly:

"Sometimes problems solve each other," Roy murmured in such a detached voice that ice threaded down Ed's spine. He couldn't possibly mean...

It seriously felt like, for a moment there, you were willing to let Roy's detachment determine that he would summarily end his (intimate) relationship with Edward rather than risk his own plans. Okay, that's very IC for Roy. Despite the running joke about him being a lady's man in the anime (not so much in the manga), he doesn't seem like someone who would do more than dally, for the most part, and even then would never let the person in. I can see him easily and willingly setting aside his emotional involvement if it stood in the way of his plans.

What that would mean to Edward, though, is the part that feels like it just got cut off, too abruptly. Instead, you switched too fast. Either Edward doesn't jump to that conclusion, but instead determines that Roy's saying he'll be okay (even without Ed around) - in which case, Hawkeye's reassurance holds merit... or, Edward still hears that message, and Hawkeye's reassurance is moot. So she'll keep Roy safe; if Roy's willing to end the relationship to fulfill his plans (if the only option is an annoyed and protective Edward), I would expect Edward to acknowledge but not be reassured. Her assurance doesn't address the underlying issue, after all.

So it comes across less like a mislead, and more like you pulled us too far away from Edward's head, and followed with a bait-and-switch. I don't think a mislead works here. Instead, I'd suggest giving Edward a few sentences - before Hawkeye's move - to separate at least the beginnings of the tangle. 'I'm mad because he's going off, and I can't do a damn thing about it to help or protect,' and 'I'm mad because I think he's willing to ditch what we have if he thinks I'm going to get in his way, that bastard.'

If you at least imply the issues - envy of Hawkeye, for being the one Roy chose (even if it's recognized later as an irrational envy), anger, betrayal, etc - then you can retrace them as Edward stalks the city towards Roy's house. In some ways, it's just that you jump too quickly from the original situation, and don't investigate thoroughly how Ed feels about something that's truly a difficult question. Just suggesting you take the time to explore, is all - at least, that's the part that really left me wanting, as I read. Then there's more of an emotional segue into Ed's willingness to turn the tables, as it were.

"A desk," he reminded Roy without opening his eyes. "For the rest of eternity."

Gotta say: love that line! ;D

Woooo, now revise, polish, wave a rubber chicken over it, whatever, so I can post on the archives! *does the happy dance*

[branchandroot]

Have I mentioned, lately, that you're a goddess?

I'll definitely tighten up that section, because that's *supposed* to be the first indication that Ed's disapproval/fear makes Roy willing to throw his life away.

Lots of revisions tomorrow, I'll probably have a big email with attachments for you late in the day.

[scimitarsmile.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, join the club - I just had to have a friend go over dialogue with a fine-tooth comb to make sure it's both IC and in-canon for a backstory...so I know the tendency to just say, "okay, this is clear, let's move it along" rather than delve.

And, y'know, DELVE! is the name of the game. ;D

Lookin' forward to email.

[scimitarsmile.livejournal.com]

Just reread this, and realized what I'd forgotten to add:

I'll definitely tighten up that section, because that's *supposed* to be the first indication that Ed's disapproval/fear makes Roy willing to throw his life away.

Err, did you mean that? That reads like Roy is willing to throw his life away because of Ed's disapproval or fear. As though Ed's reaction makes Roy's life less important? I'm guessing that's just typing one thing and thinking something else, because it doesn't make sense to me. Or it does, but not in a good way. Heh.

[branchandroot]

Not in a good way, no, but still accurate. Ed has, by this point in the arc, become Roy's moral compass, because Roy doesn't entirely trust himself. His "brightness", where Roy sees only darkness in himself. And when his brightness reacts with anger/fear/revulsion, apparently to him...

It's not pretty.

...lots more revision. *sighs* I knew this would be a hard one to render without serious expository outtakes, which I don't like to do.

[scimitarsmile.livejournal.com]

Well, it depends. If you're doing the entire arc solely from Ed's POV, then yes, it's going to take some figuring out on Ed's part to completely understand the dynamic, and why Roy shut himself off. And, from where I stand, if I were Ed, I don't think it'd be possible (or honorable) to seduce someone into coming around, so to speak, if there's an underlying issue that must be addressed. Obviously the seduction is, in its own way, both apology and forgiveness, after and before the two facts.

However, if you're not going solely from Ed's POV, then you have two options. Either Hughes plays a role as Roy's foil, or it's Hawkeye. Either one could bring different elements to light, while never entirely touching on the actual issue - as I wouldn't expect Roy to spill his guts to either, but neither would be fooled by his dancing around the topic, either. It could be as simple as Roy straightening up his paperwork and Hawkeye coming in, dropping off stuff to sign, and leaving with the words, "he doesn't hate you, and he won't." or something simple...

Just some thoughts, since I'm full o' brainstorming while preparing for the Big Scene From Hell. wahh.

[branchandroot]

The arc as a whole shifts from Roy's pov to Ed's and back and forth. This story is pretty much committed to Ed, I'm not sure I could gracefully split off for Roy. The timetable is too tight.

*chews nail*

Maybe what I really need here is another Roy pov introspective to come before this, and set it up. That could work...