branchandroot | FMA: Circumstances: Sustained

*swoon*
As usual, Raven, you write some of the best drama and pr0n in the world. Great job! And very nice writing!
Hehehe...Love this line though:
"If you die doing this, the way you think you're going to," Ed growled, lifting Roy's chin until they were eye to eye, "I swear I'll bind your soul to your damn desk, and you'll spend the rest of eternity buried in paperwork."
Sounds like something Ed would say! N'ways, great job on the fic!

Thank you! Ed comes up with the best threats, doesn't he?

One typo I can recall - I think there was a second one, but now I can't remember (all the words from today, pounding in my head):

"So that's where these came from," he said softly, brushing his thumb across the calluses on Roy's fingertips. Roy only lifted one shoulder, sketching a shrug.

I get the point of what Roy's doing, but this part, it felt like you started to head in one direction, and then dropped it too quickly:

"Sometimes problems solve each other," Roy murmured in such a detached voice that ice threaded down Ed's spine. He couldn't possibly mean...

It seriously felt like, for a moment there, you were willing to let Roy's detachment determine that he would summarily end his (intimate) relationship with Edward rather than risk his own plans. Okay, that's very IC for Roy. Despite the running joke about him being a lady's man in the anime (not so much in the manga), he doesn't seem like someone who would do more than dally, for the most part, and even then would never let the person in. I can see him easily and willingly setting aside his emotional involvement if it stood in the way of his plans.

What that would mean to Edward, though, is the part that feels like it just got cut off, too abruptly. Instead, you switched too fast. Either Edward doesn't jump to that conclusion, but instead determines that Roy's saying he'll be okay (even without Ed around) - in which case, Hawkeye's reassurance holds merit... or, Edward still hears that message, and Hawkeye's reassurance is moot. So she'll keep Roy safe; if Roy's willing to end the relationship to fulfill his plans (if the only option is an annoyed and protective Edward), I would expect Edward to acknowledge but not be reassured. Her assurance doesn't address the underlying issue, after all.

So it comes across less like a mislead, and more like you pulled us too far away from Edward's head, and followed with a bait-and-switch. I don't think a mislead works here. Instead, I'd suggest giving Edward a few sentences - before Hawkeye's move - to separate at least the beginnings of the tangle. 'I'm mad because he's going off, and I can't do a damn thing about it to help or protect,' and 'I'm mad because I think he's willing to ditch what we have if he thinks I'm going to get in his way, that bastard.'

If you at least imply the issues - envy of Hawkeye, for being the one Roy chose (even if it's recognized later as an irrational envy), anger, betrayal, etc - then you can retrace them as Edward stalks the city towards Roy's house. In some ways, it's just that you jump too quickly from the original situation, and don't investigate thoroughly how Ed feels about something that's truly a difficult question. Just suggesting you take the time to explore, is all - at least, that's the part that really left me wanting, as I read. Then there's more of an emotional segue into Ed's willingness to turn the tables, as it were.

"A desk," he reminded Roy without opening his eyes. "For the rest of eternity."

Gotta say: love that line! ;D

Woooo, now revise, polish, wave a rubber chicken over it, whatever, so I can post on the archives! *does the happy dance*

Have I mentioned, lately, that you're a goddess?

I'll definitely tighten up that section, because that's *supposed* to be the first indication that Ed's disapproval/fear makes Roy willing to throw his life away.

Lots of revisions tomorrow, I'll probably have a big email with attachments for you late in the day.

Yeah, well, join the club - I just had to have a friend go over dialogue with a fine-tooth comb to make sure it's both IC and in-canon for a backstory...so I know the tendency to just say, "okay, this is clear, let's move it along" rather than delve.

And, y'know, DELVE! is the name of the game. ;D

Lookin' forward to email.

Just reread this, and realized what I'd forgotten to add:

I'll definitely tighten up that section, because that's *supposed* to be the first indication that Ed's disapproval/fear makes Roy willing to throw his life away.

Err, did you mean that? That reads like Roy is willing to throw his life away because of Ed's disapproval or fear. As though Ed's reaction makes Roy's life less important? I'm guessing that's just typing one thing and thinking something else, because it doesn't make sense to me. Or it does, but not in a good way. Heh.

Not in a good way, no, but still accurate. Ed has, by this point in the arc, become Roy's moral compass, because Roy doesn't entirely trust himself. His "brightness", where Roy sees only darkness in himself. And when his brightness reacts with anger/fear/revulsion, apparently to him...

It's not pretty.

...lots more revision. *sighs* I knew this would be a hard one to render without serious expository outtakes, which I don't like to do.

Well, it depends. If you're doing the entire arc solely from Ed's POV, then yes, it's going to take some figuring out on Ed's part to completely understand the dynamic, and why Roy shut himself off. And, from where I stand, if I were Ed, I don't think it'd be possible (or honorable) to seduce someone into coming around, so to speak, if there's an underlying issue that must be addressed. Obviously the seduction is, in its own way, both apology and forgiveness, after and before the two facts.

However, if you're not going solely from Ed's POV, then you have two options. Either Hughes plays a role as Roy's foil, or it's Hawkeye. Either one could bring different elements to light, while never entirely touching on the actual issue - as I wouldn't expect Roy to spill his guts to either, but neither would be fooled by his dancing around the topic, either. It could be as simple as Roy straightening up his paperwork and Hawkeye coming in, dropping off stuff to sign, and leaving with the words, "he doesn't hate you, and he won't." or something simple...

Just some thoughts, since I'm full o' brainstorming while preparing for the Big Scene From Hell. wahh.

The arc as a whole shifts from Roy's pov to Ed's and back and forth. This story is pretty much committed to Ed, I'm not sure I could gracefully split off for Roy. The timetable is too tight.

*chews nail*

Maybe what I really need here is another Roy pov introspective to come before this, and set it up. That could work...

*loves on you* You do have such a way with drama and smut that I enjoy dearly. ^^ But my fav? Besides the Ed/Roy, it has to be the mental image of Roy being stuck in a desk for the rest of his life. The piles of paperwork stacked heavily on him, the stacks of various office stuff inside him, and then there'd be the random I-need-to-fuck-you-now-oh-look-here's-a-desk people. *grins*

*smirks* Desk-san was definitely on my mind. An eternity of torture, without a doubt.

Thanks!

As much as we enjoy how involved Desk-san is in these smuts, no doubt Desk-san would be pleased with the idea that Roy would be hefting all the sexy weight from now on. *grins*

http://www.livejournal.com/users/rxn_formation/8547.html

*big eyes*

*soft* Kirei...

*hugs* Thank you!

You demanded feedback. ^_^ Happy to oblige.
I've read through all the other comments...and I thought I caught Roy's intent quite clearly... The words, "Sometimes problems solve each other," after Ed's angry, confused, fearful,
"You think I want to be?" about getting involved... When I was reading that, all I was doing was clutching the keyboard and going, 'ohmygod, Roy is going to let himself get offed during the assassination?!!'
That was what he meant when he said that right? I was wondering if I misread the situation at first, although that might be denial at the deadRoy idea. Then it became clearer and more obvious a few sentences after, especially with Ed's reactions and thoughts. I read it as Roy thinking that Ed would be safe, no longer connected to the entire assassination, and wouldn't actually have to face his lover-turned-murderer (with disgust, in Roy's opinion) if Roy himself died during it.

Though I was wondering if Roy would actually think like that because if he dies during the assassination, and some other horrible person took over Bradley, then all his hard work would be utterly wasted. Hm...maybe he wasn't thinking very much by then...

And now, not to neglect the physical part of the story; sex! Wheee! Amazingly yummy and droolworthy and Ed on top!! Roy in all his relaxed, trusting state! Gawd!
I love the 'turning into desk' threat. LOL! Buried in paperwork! What an appropriate thing for Ed to say to Roy! ^_^
Love the waking up the next day scene too!

Your last author's comments with Ed? About the arc started with humor but ended up here? LOL! It's so true! It's so Ed! Your fic was Edified! *laughs*

*bounces* Good, good, good! Yes, that was exactly it.

Now I just need a little prequel for readers who can't read my mind like Kri. ^_^

...Edified... oh, bad, bad pun... *snickers*

Prequel! *beams* I don't mind a prequel since that will equal more fics for me to read! Hee...

It is a horrific pun isn't it? *g*

Yay for fic! Although, really, I'm hanging myself. Distracting. I liked- plot and porn, and I'm used to liking your character interactions but it takes really good writing to make me actually read lemons, so. Nice. Liked the ending scene a lot as well.

Vague thoughts. Ed is always very mature in your fics. I don't follow his thought trains exactly, between the "I'm mad at Roy for a host of conflicting reasons" to the sex. Reassuring Roy of something? I'm sorry, I'm feeling kind of dense tonight....

You are planning on filling us in on what exactly happened between Roy and Bradley, right? Not doing so would be sort of evil.

*nods* Mad, scared, wound up; poor Ed. I wasn't very nice to them in this one. That's another transition I should brush up on, though. Thanks!

*evil grin* Oh, I'll fill it in... eventually. Between the lines...

Damn woman, that was hot, and so perfect. For something that began as a random humour/sex series you've made it into plot, and more plot, and so much character exploration.

The dynamics between Roy and Ed is perfect. Roy is distant when things begins to get serious, and you can just see him being the type to send away the ones he truly love from harm's path. Overprotection much. But then, it his way of dealing. However, Ed's temper will see through all, and when you add him truly caring/loving Roy, well the Flame Alchemist really never had a chance.

Adores Ed's oath about binding Roy's soul to the desk. It's something that Ed would o. Threats, and true love. You've ot adore the boy.

Something I probably didn't mention earlier but should've is that I love the fact you don't put the two of them in a strict seme/uke role. What you depict of their sexual relationship is more real. Sure, everyone have a preference for their sexual position but like eveything there are variation. Somedays you just wanna fuck, and others days you just want to be fucked.

And after much gushing, some more gushing. I love you and worship the ground you walk on.

Thank you!

I've never particularly bought strict role division for any non-canonical m/m couple. I know it's the cultural standard, but when it's something we add on/read into the story, it usually doesn't fit the character interaction.

Besides, *salacious grin* variety is more fun to write!

Oh yes. Variety.

All those different positions one can try out with ones' partner.

I have this sneaky suspiscion that Roy have a little book of sexual experimentation, and the man is ticking off things as he and Ed make their way through the list ^__^

*grins back*

uke turned seme XDXD!! oh god....i thought this would never happen~ i wuv the desk humor :D~ again, i bow down at the presence of your great fic :3

^___^ Ed's been lobbying for it.

FMA: Circumstances: Sustained

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