characters, muses, stuff

[branchandroot]

A recent post made me think.

Do my characters really *talk* to me? Do I hold actual conversations with them?

I mean, when I write it out in here, that's what it looks like. But in a lot of ways it feels like I'm translating what actually happens, which isn't verbalization at all.

On the other hand, there were a few times while writing "Glow" when I started to write some action, usually for Ed, and got a very definite veto. If I translate it into words it goes something like

Ed: Excuse me? I am not letting him carry me, what the hell are you thinking!?

It doesn't happen in words, though. That's just what I translate it to when I want other people to be able to hear it.

It's a lot more like echolocation, that process of asking myself questions until I get a solid "bounce", a firm contact, a "yes, that's it". Feelings, not words.

Only, it isn't asking myself, for this.

Storyspace, where all these characters stay, is an odd one. It's not part of my self, for all that it's inside my head. It's a shared space. I make it *out of* my self, and then use it to store copies of characters I like, which are, in effect, other people. Other people with whom I can utilize the protocals for internal communication. It makes the process of writing... curious. The plot comes out of my head, and then I bounce it off the shape of the characters and listen for how they react. And translate their reaction into dialogue. But to make that bounce work, I have to take the characters a little out of Storyspace, a little into my self. That's what gives me the channel of communication that carries the "yes I would do that/no I wouldn't do that" response. There has to be a constant feedback between my awareness of the plot and my awareness of the shapes of the characters, so I can hear when there's a break in congruity. A bad note.

I think maybe this is why I write so fast, when I write the stories down. Nonverbal communication, the internal kind, is extremely fast. I need to translate fast to keep up with it.

So I guess I'd have to say my characters don't really *talk* to me. But communication certainly happens when I rummage around in Storyspace.

Comments

[hikariblue.livejournal.com]

I've been curious about that, lately. Wondering how it is, more or less, that other people interact with these parts/pieces/names/voices. The metacognition of writing. How does it work with other people, and is it really all that dangerous, and are all writers a little bit crazy?

I've been worried that, when writing (fanfic or my original stories), I'm more of a puppeteer than a reporter (and I used to be much more of a reporter, for various reasons), and I worry that I'm not being 'true' to the characters. Because even in fiction, a lot of it is about truth, still. (Perhaps moreso than in nonfiction, maybe, because the truth you're relaying is so ... ephemeral, for lack of a better word.) But even then you have to ask yourself 'who' these characters are and 'where' they come from...

[joriel.livejournal.com]

Mine do that. Sometimes they even jump ship on a fic and replace themselves with someone else, which happened both in Snap and Snapdragon. I started out writing for completely different characters than the fics ended up being about. *Grumbles*

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

That kind of communication is exactly why i stopped writing fanfics. I got to attached to characters...in some ways I'm told I became them for the time I was writing adn I dealt with everything they did too emotionally.

But it is interesting when you stop and think about how people go about writing, what inspires them, keeps them going and who talks to them in their heads.

Those things alone could have an entire library written about them...

...

And I probably made no sense but yeah I need my coffee.

[branchandroot]

I've never considered it dangerous, but then I don't consider craziness dangerous, per se. It's always awareness, for me, that's been the key to making everything work. Making anything work, really.

I think writers just listen better than most. Like Alice Walker signing off The Color Purple as "author and medium".

Of course, I also think the whole soulbond thing is an excuse, an externalization so the author in question doesn't have to deal with the aspects that *are* self. But that's a personal prejudice.

*thoughtful* You know, I think I envision characters as something very like language itself. They are shared symbols, shared between many people, meaning loosely the same thing, but never *entirely* the same thing. So that where they come from is partially me and partially other people. The truth... will never rest with any one of us.

[branchandroot]

Willful creatures, ne?

[joriel.livejournal.com]

Damn stubborn is my minds term for them. They whisper in my head at odd moments too.

[arete.livejournal.com]

You put into words exactly what seems to be happening with my original fic right now. Many story elements, beginning of the plot, but no overarching plot. Friends keep throwing plot ideas at me, I keep vetoing them because they just don't work, and I try to explain, and I usually go into immense detail because they keep asking 'Why?' the answers don't work. And the characters keep going 'Nope, that won't work'.

[branchandroot]

That made plenty of sense. It *is* draining, and the more the characters resonate with the whole of you, the more you respond *as you* to what's happing to them. And before you know it, there's a feedback loop going.

I stubbed my toe on one of those just day before yesterday.

*thinks* There certainly could be libraries about it, but I don't think there are. I've actually found very few authors who can write about how they write, or at least few who have published it. LeGuin. Walker. Bujold a little. At least those are the ones I found writing about it seriously. I've seen collections of very shallow "how I write" essays by authors, but those are generally pap.

Coffee is good--imbibe the stuff of life. *nods*

[branchandroot]

*sympathy* And it's a bugger working out why.

I do find that it helps if I translate it up into words. When I'm stuck I've been journalling my discussions with the characters, and the translation process itself seems to jar things loose again.

And if I'm writing it out, then I have a record, unlike when I'm talking it out aloud, and usually forget what I just said as soon as I reach the conclusion. *makes face*

[marmalade-girl.livejournal.com]

I find that this is the very reason I have dry spells in my writing. The characters become very quiet in my mind, so for a time, I let them go and forget about them. They always come back, though, and let me know how they've changed in the meantime. It makes for a lot of revisions of unfinished work, because what seemed to be going well in one burst of writing is totally contracted by the characters later.

[branchandroot]

*nodnod* Sometimes that happens even while I'm writing a short story, but that's usually when the influence of some other author adds a layer to my understanding of the character.

*glances nervously at older wips* Not sure what's going to happen when I go back to them.

[scimitarsmile.livejournal.com]

Oh, hell. I had an entire response and the screen suddenly refreshed on my behalf... and it's all gone. Damn Microsoft. Shoot the damn programmers.

Anyway...I had a point.

*thinks*

Characters have never talked to me. The story does, though; at the same time, the story is never really plot-driven. It's more of a "drop the character in this environment, and see what happens" - so I'm rarely at a loss as to what will happen next, unless I'm unable to get inside a character's head.

Thing is, I've never had the problem of being too inside a character's head, which is a good thing, considering some of the content I've tackled, and plan to tackle. I'm currently 28 chapters into a story that addresses the healing process for a victim of torture (in essence), and I have yet to write a chapter that didn't make at least four or five reviewers cry - if not more. Each time, I'm a little startled by their response, especially when it's one or two lines that prompted such a reaction. I didn't see it, although I will feel the twist in my gut reading someone else's story, I don't when it's my own. Hell, my own lemons don't do jack for me. I'm...detached, somehow. Not the right word. It's kind of like asking the keyboard how it feels about what's on the screen, I suppose. I only know, these words belong here, and these words do not. I change accordingly, but I can't guage the emotional reaction.

I've only had one character pushing to get out, and she was a joy to write, but that was mostly because there was a story that came with her. I think what I feel most often isn't related to characters, but stories. Sometimes I feel desperate, driven, and I lie in bed thinking, I should get up and write. The story is bugging me - GET IT OUT! Like I'm running out of time, if that makes sense. This would explain how, in the past six or seven months, I've produced a chapter roughly every day and a half...like I'm not even in control. Gadz, I probably sound like an addict, but it's an addict in reverse - instead of using the drug, I'm producing it.

I think maybe this is why I write so fast, when I write the stories down. Nonverbal communication, the internal kind, is extremely fast. I need to translate fast to keep up with it.

Yah. I think that's part of it. I tend to type fast, but it's a desperate kind of speed - like I'm screaming to the story to WAIT UP, I'm typing as fast as I can! Almost like taking down notes while life is going on around you, and when you're tracking that nonverbal, it does move faster than words. Lightening-fast. I suppose there are conversations going inside my head, balancing this line against that, these words against that, this plot twist against that, but because of the speed, I don't see it. Seamless? Opaque, perhaps. Odd, that it would be opaque to me.

What's strange is that when I slow down - as I have, at points, out of a sense that I should - I always trip. The metaphors are too clunky, the characterization too flat. When I speed up, I get these reviews back that laud the metaphor, the subtle use of this or reference to that, and I can only think: the what? Hunh? Are you reading the same story I wrote? Now I understand Tolkein's comment that if you want to read Gandalf the White appearing on the Plain as some sort of avenging angel, you can, but that's not what was in his head when writing - he was busying thinking, move this character here, and then this will happen...Yah, now I understand. The story just takes care of itself, if you can keep up.

*wrings fingers*

Sometimes I can't keep up, and I feel like I'll go mad.

[scimitarsmile.livejournal.com]

Does talking stuff out help you? I mean, talking to others, or only yourself? I find if I discuss a story with someone else - especially in person - the story just dies. It's like it got told, so now there's no reason for it to hang around. I tend to daydream my chapters, playing them over like a movie in my head, and then it's all about running to the keyboard to put them down as quickly as I can before it's gone like any dream is, in those moments after you wake up. Not saying what I write is identical to the daydream - rarely is - but it at least gives me an idea of What Must Happen In This Chapter, or alternately, The Point Of Each Scene.

Heh.

Right now I'm just stalling on a challenge one-shot, however. ;D

[arete.livejournal.com]

Sometimes/It depends. Right now, the original fic is completely without a major plot, so people throwing ideas at me is actually helping me flesh out the world. The world is actually fairly complete; whole world elements that make logical sense, and work with other elements are almost completely fleshed out because of those tossing of ideas. When I have an actual story... it does kill it.

[arete.livejournal.com]

I haven't done this with prose yet, my characters are more for scenes and emotions right now. But for poetry? Oh yeah. That stuff pours out, and going back to revise is pure torture; rhyming scheme either happens or it doesn't, it appears by itself. Overarching theme? Sometimes I don't even know until I write the last line. The imagery just is; you grab elements and somehow it works.

[branchandroot]

*sighs* Usually if I can't keep up the story wanders away. Sometimes, if it's attracted by some connection it'll come back. Some of Jen's fanart called back the violin-bunny that I was almost sure had abandoned ship. Damn frustrating, when they don't come back.

Each time, I'm a little startled by their response, especially when it's one or two lines that prompted such a reaction. I didn't see it, although I will feel the twist in my gut reading someone else's story, I don't when it's my own.

I find that this is most often true for me when I'm writing something that *should be* extremely intense. Or affecting. Or something. I was absolutely floored when Em said "Morning" made her cry, even though I can see now that I probably would have had the same reaction if it was someone else's story. Lilias, for example, made me cry my eyes out.

Some day, when I feel particularly stable to start with, I'll read Broken Jade and tell you what I think.

but that's not what was in his head when writing

Ah, reader response, where would we be without it?

...with a lot fewer flame wars, actually. ^_^;

[branchandroot]

Talking with the characters almost always helps. Talking with another live person, sometimes. Of course the way that usually goes is:

Emily: I'm having trouble with this transition.

Ken: What kind?

Emily: Well, why would he do X? Is it Y? Or is it Z? Or... *holds up finger and stares into space*

Emily: ....

Emily: *dashes for computer*

Ken: *calls after with a grin* Glad I could help.

So I really do think it's the process of translating what I hear into words that gives me words I can put down on the page/screen. I'm not usually looking for feedback so much as an ear while I fish.

[moumusu.livejournal.com]

Dude, I was totally wondering when you'd write something about this. ^^

Yes. Echolocation. It's JUST like that. This is why I don't write fanfic. I get unbelieveably uptight about the translating part. My goal is to make the writing invisible, so I cut out any of my own narration. Every single word has to be tested for my own feeling and oh. My. God. It kills me.

With drawing, I almost don't have to echolocate at all. I just do it some at the beginning, and then I get a fairly stable mental picture of what's happening. I already know how I want the eyes or that coat or this arm to look, so it's just a matter of making it match on both sides. I still have (sometimes outrageous) criteria for what I want, but no worries about putting in too much of my own feeling because I have to be clearly OUTSIDE whatever I'm drawing to see it.

Wow. It reminds me that I do enjoy drawing. ^^ Feels goooood.

[branchandroot]

Coolness, does this mean you'll be drawing more? *bats eyelashes*

So do the stories that go with your pictures come out of the beginning? Or do you fill that in at the end? Because you always have a story that goes with; that was how the Summer arc happened, after all.

[q-sama.livejournal.com]

Yep, yep, I can totally relate to this. On the other hand, the best way for me to actually WRITE the words comes after I take a long walk, literally talking aloud to myself.

I think there are a lot of writers who seem to "tap into" their characters - a scribe rather than a puppet master. Perhaps that's what may be going on. The story is being told, inside your head, and you're transcribing something that has all ready been created in your mind. :)

[branchandroot]

As long as it isn't created while I'm still half asleep, because then I loose it once I wake all the way up. *makes horrible face* Unspeakably frustrating, that.

[moumusu.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have, if you'll excuse the language, like a metric fuckton of things on my draw list, and a nice thick mess of paper tucked in my...sketchbook. Which is currently a "Brighter Baking With M&M's Chocolate Mini Baking Bits" cookbook.

...

Getting back to the subject, most of those papers in the mess have things on them, but they're even more incomplete than what I usually put up. I have my fingers in too many pies at once---I need to focus on one thing that doesn't kill me and just put it up already.

...but there are SO MANY things that need my attention T_T

I WAS thinking about the stories that go with. I usually get flashes of the picture in my head first---I just watch as the image bumps into me as it goes by, but I don't say anything back, so that's pretty fast. Then I go and put it in the context of the characters and check everybody's reactions. If there are any reactions that fit with my image, that I can draw, I pick out the ones I like, and start drawing those.

The thing is that I usually continue to check/get reactions while I draw, because it's fun, but I don't use them in the picture---in fact, I cut off adding the new ideas to the picture very early on. It's kind of dangerous for me to let other images get into one picture. If I don't focus on one at a time, I start trying to draw two pictures at once, and jesus CHRIST does that make a mess. So instead, I file away what I get into the "not now" category, and then later on I sort it out a bit and it turns into those blurbs I love to write.

(And then if I get lucky, I distract swanky fanfic authors and they write things for me. XB)

[scimitarsmile.livejournal.com]

Some day, when I feel particularly stable to start with, I'll read Broken Jade and tell you what I think.

I think it depends on the reader - the other War Room folks adore it, but then, they frequently kill, maim, traumatize, and just plain brutalize the G-boys on a regular basis. Ah, it's a bit of a joke between us: how much can you do, and still be IC?

And it's not unremitting gloom - as a matter of fact, many of the first ten or so chapters aren't nearly as bad as people expected, because of the way I structured things. But I won't say more than that...

- Sol
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