The failures of "Sage Mode"

One of the things I feel the fic-urge to do is rationalize Sage mode. Because Kishimoto made an everloving hash of it.

The idea that using external chakra is dangerous is well established, in this universe, and it makes a certain amount of sense. Our initial examples of it, after all, are people drawing on the chakra of demons (the tailed beasts) who seem to be extremely hostile. The consequences of being overwhelmed by an external chakra are, sensibly enough, uncontrolled transformation.

Then Kishimoto had to go and get weird. First we have the notion that ninja are not already using "Nature" chakra when quite a few things about ninja practice in general are firmly based on philosophies that emphasize the ways in which human chi is not apart from the world's chi: both clan-specific practices like the Hyuuga's Not Really Tai Chi At All, and general practices like the hand seals themselves. This, however, can be rationalized somewhat by supposing that the "nature" chakra involved in sage practices is more intense or concentrated a drawing-in of external chakra. Concentrated enough to potentially overwhelm someone, just like the tailed beasts' chakra can, and cause similar uncontrolled transformations.

Then we have what I consider the greater problem that Nature = Toads. Apparently only the toads know how to do this thing, because Not Really Mt. Kouya At All, the only place sage-ness is taught in the whole world since we never see anyone but Jiraiya and Naruto using it, is populated solely by toads. And, just to clinch it, being overwhelmed by nature chakra will cause one to turn into a toad! Just a toad, no variety, Nature = Toads.

I'm sorry, whiskey tango foxtrot, say again?

I can buy that toad mountain is one of the places renown for these arts. I can also buy that Jiraiya becomes toad-ish when using sage arts, because his assistants/batteries/transformers are, after all, toads. Having his form be toad-flavored quite makes sense in light of this. But that's as far as I'll go. For the rest, I say there must be a solid dozen or so places that teach sage arts in different ways, and Naruto only winds up with toad eyes because he was taught the particularly toad way.

And that brings us to the next problem, which is the notion that one must be perfectly still to gather nature chakra. This is such a smashingly obvious case of "I need it to have a drawback for plot purposes, and it can't be difficulty because Naruto has to totally ace learning it, because he's the Chosen One now" that I can only throw up my hands. There's no excuse for this one and a good deal of precedent against it in Asian esoteric and martial practices; I hereby ignore it.

And I note that Kishimoto, after using the sage arts to show how Cosmic and Enlightened Naruto is becoming, abandons it and goes right back to the tailed beasts. The entire arc involving Pain might as well never have happened; all the consequences were erased or not shown to have any effect. It's like this bizarre quantum loop of time outside the rest of the progression. I can't help suspecting this is because Kishimoto finally realized just what a corner he painted himself into with this whole Apotheosis Of Naruto kick he had going. I mean, really, what do you do for an encore after that, to wrap up all the dangling ends?

You go back to what works, that's what. I propose to follow this example, sans the detour in the first place.